I think I need to be done with this blog
As you’ve all seen, I’ve been less and less active on it. It’s only now helping me keep the role of ‘sick’ and eating disordered. I love you all, you’re all so beautiful and strong. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, and helped me with. You’re all so wonderful.
- Me: Oh god why did I wake up? I just want to sleep forever.
- Me: What am I going to wear? I look like shit in everything. I'm so disgusting. I hate myself.
- Me: I don't want to eat breakfast, I don't deserve to eat. I'm fat enough already.
- Me: Oh fuck now I have to go to school. People judging me, they hate me. Oh here comes the panic attack.
- Me: I'm so tired. I need a 12 hour nap just for waking up.
- Me: I hate it here, they all hate me. Please don't look at me.
- Me: No, teacher, please don't call on me, my voice depresses me. I can't handle the anxiety. No, people will look at me.
- Me: Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Stop being so weak.
- Me: God I hate myself.
- Me: I feel sick. No one would notice if I was dead. Why am I even alive?
- Me: Finally I get to go home. I need more caffeine. I'm so fucking tired all the time.
- Me: Let's collapse onto my bed for a few hours, sob and ignore all of my responsibilities that will later cause my mass amounts of anxiety and panic.
- Me: I need to eat, but I don't deserve the food.
- Me: Oh god what if I binge?!
- Me: I can't do this anymore, I can't do it at all. I am so worthless.
- Me: No one loves me, I'm alone, no one cares about me.
- Me: This hurts, all these thoughts and feelings hurt so much. But I deserve it, I'm a horrible person.
- Me: I need to cut, I need to be numb.
- Me: Oh god what have I done? Why did I do that? Why am I so stupid?
- Me: I guess I should try and sleep.
- Me: *thinks about everything that is wrong in the world, has a panic attack, sobs from hating myself so much*
- Me: Well, looks like I have to repeat it again tomorrow
: MANTRA TO OVERCOME DEPRESSION
Vitamin D. Sunlight. Go
outside. Get a good night
of sleep. Not too good.
Not shades drawn forever
good. Not like you used to.
Open the windows.
Buy more houseplants.
Breathe. Meditate. (One day,
you will no longer be
afraid of being alone
with your thoughts.)
Exercise. Actually exercise
instead of just googling it.
Eat well. Cook for yourself.
Organize your closet, the
garage. Drink plenty of water
and repeat after me:
I am not a problem
to be solved. Repeat after me:
I am worthy I am worthy I am
neither the mistake nor
the punishment. Forget to take
vitamins. Let the houseplant die.
Eat spoonfuls of peanut butter.
Shave your head. Forget
this poem. It doesn’t matter—
there is no wrong way
to remember the grace of your
own body; no choice
that can unmake itself.
There is only now, here,
look: you are already
I’ve had some purging and cutting slips recently. Blah, I jsut want to be recovered.
Reblog if you are recovering from an eating disorder.
i want to follow all of you and support and help you through your recovery. we can all get through this together <3
"Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives."
I self harmed yesterday for the first time in over a month. It was bad and bloody. What are the best distractions to use for if the urges come up today?